Fathers' Day
The idea of a special day to celebrate fatherhood gets a mixed reception in the UK. It is an American innovation, and in this country is seen by many as a further attempt to commercialise ordinary life and turn it into a money making opportunity.
In addition it has to be acknowledged that the role of a father is increasingly problematical in our society. This has come about because of a number of factors. One cause often cited is the failure of many fathers to fulfil any substantial role within the family due either to work pressures, or an undue preoccupation by men with personal leisure, or even ignorance of what they should be doing. Then again our culture is powerfully influenced by the liberal intellectual classes who dominate the media and who have a radical commitment to ideological feminism, and so the role of men is minimised. Added to that is the increasing endorsement of single parenthood as a proper choice which tends to devalue the father’s role. And, of course, the biological contribution of fathers is being replaced by “donors” from a sperm bank or a fertility clinic. Having said all of that I must add the loss of any sort of Biblical perspective on fatherhood, even in Christian and Evangelical circles.
All in all many men do not know what their role is, and we hear on a regular basis from psychologists that men are suffering a crisis of identity in our society. That uncertainty is sadly reinforced as our Government and politicians in general pursue their devaluation programme in respect of the family. Two illustrations of this have occurred in the last week.
Firstly, we have been faced with calls by a leading paediatrician for smoking in cars to be banned. Now I have no time for smoking in general and think it is inappropriate in a car where children are present, or any other passengers for that matter. However the idea is that the Government should legislate and punish parents who offend! The all surveying eye of the State is being promoted here. And to add to the offensiveness of the suggestion the doctor in question went on to speak about our children, and to call for a ban on smacking. And that is the real issue. Children no longer are considered to be the ultimate responsibility of the parents - they belong to the State. And how parents discipline them becomes the State’s concern. This overbearing attitude to parental rights has been further illustrated by the unfair singling out of home-educators for extra supervision (they already undergo a reasonable amount). I recognise that in much of this State intervention there is a very genuine concern about child abuse and the need to safeguard children. But the approach to safeguarding children should not end up diminishing parents’ rights because that becomes an abuse of the whole family and seriously affects children. I also wonder, and my own researches suggest that it may be the case, whether the devaluing of the traditional family and the diminishing of any moral imperatives within our society are not major factors in the apparent growth of child abuse. In all of this fathers are being given the subtle message that they have no role here.
Secondly, the former Director General of schools, Ralph Tabberer, argued in an article that state schools are failing to teach children right and wrong. Now what he has to say is very interesting and a devastating critique of the egalitarian emphasis of our Government (that is the overarching desire to pursue equal rights and equal opportunities). This argument for supposed “fairness” has resulted, says Mr Tabberer, in the neglect of the “development of character”. I say supposed “fairness” because in its pursuit of egalitarianism this Government has marginalised some groups in society and ends up treating them very unfairly indeed. Certainly natural justice is not seen in the policies and practices of our Government on the issue of rights and free speech.
But how does this failure to teach right and wrong impinge on the issue of fatherhood? It is very simple. It is the basic duty of every father to teach his children moral values and to instruct them, by word and example, in how to conduct themselves. The development of character in children is a paternal duty. And the instruction of fathers, and mothers, in moral values is the role of the Church. But both of those fundamental responsibilities are now rejected. The State has become the arbiter of morals, a role to which they neither have the right nor the ability to perform.
The reality of the situation in the U.K. is that in most households the father is still the main bread-winner and the number of ‘stay-at-home’ dads is very small. Now that may be necessary in some families but we should not make policy on the basis of what a few do. Then again statistics seem to suggest that most women want their husbands to be the bread-winner and to take a lead within the family. Furthermore it is very clear that cohabiting households do not present the answers. Again statistically, cohabiting fathers are found to take less interest in their children and are much more likely to abuse children within their home. Finally, children from cohabiting households, and those who have had divorced parents, do less well in school and thrive less well in society. T hose are the facts that we must consider. That is why there is a growing need for fathers to reassert themselves. Children need fathers.
The answer to the absence of moral guidance for the children of our nation is for the Biblical teaching on Fatherhood to be reasserted. It is no accident that God takes the title Father to Himself. He is the perfect example of a parent who loves and cares, who provides and protects, who instructs and disciplines, and who leads and guides. He not only shows us how to be good fathers but He has set out in the Bible careful and detailed instruction on fatherhood. The teaching of those truths and the practical implementation of them by fathers would have the most beneficial effect on the children who are now seeking to cope in a confusing world without any moral compass. Firm and compassionate fathers produce wholesome children.
It is time for Christian fathers to arise and to start carrying out their Biblical responsibilities: To be godly, loving and supportive fathers who teach moral values and demonstrate them by their own lives. It seems to me that there is a great need within our land for Christian fathers who display God in their conduct as fathers. We need a Fathers’ Day every day!